Deal with any consent incidents on a case-by-case basis. Keep in mind that limits can be violated
deliberately or through poor communication, misunderstandings, miscommunications, accidents, lack of
knowledge, and/or lack of experience. Here are some things to do if a consent incident is reported:
- If there is an injury that requires medical care, offer to have a staff member take them to the
hospital or call 911 if it’s an emergency. - If someone wants to report the incident to the police, have them call 911 or offer to take them
along with a friend to the police station. The staff member should not express their views on
what has occurred nor discuss the incident except to (a) respond to medical questions about the
person’s injury and (b) to answer—factually and truthfully—police questions. Always be honest
about your involvement in kink and non-monogamy when talking to the police. - If no emergency care is requested, have two staff members speak individually to the person
reporting the consent incident, as well as to anyone directly involved and any witnesses to what
happened. Record the names and contact information for everyone involved in the consent
incident. - When a consent incident has been reported to you, whether or not it happened at your event,
talk to each person individually to ask them what happened and what they would like to have
happen now.
Ask the person who is reporting:
• Where would you like to start?
• Do you remember what you discussed prior to the incident about what you wanted to
do and your limits?
• What do you recall saying or doing when this incident happened?
• Were there any injuries?
• Has this person done anything like this to you before or violated your consent?
• Can you tell me about any people who might have seen what happened?
Ask the person who is being reported:
• Where would you like to start?
• Do you remember what you discussed about what they wanted to do and their limits?
• What do you recall saying or doing when this incident happened?
• Were there any injuries?
• Can you describe your previous interactions with this person?
• Can you tell me about any people who might have seen what happened?
Ask any witnesses:
• Did you hear their negotiations?
• Were you told what the expectations or limits were?
• Can you tell me what you saw and heard?
• Can you tell me about any people who might have seen what happened? - Don’t bring everyone involved together to discuss the incident. If the person reporting the
incident would like mediation for a minor consent incident, only do so if the person who
committed the act is eager to apologize and rectify the situation. Otherwise, recommend a
trained mediator. - Have someone or a group of people who are empowered to make an immediate decision, even
if the ultimate decision is made by your board at a later date. Take into account what the person
reporting the consent incident would like to have happen. - Consider the seriousness of the consent incident by consulting the guidelines in Drawing the
Line. If you decide to apply any penalty, follow the guidelines in Sanctions.